How is the visualization in this excerpt from one of the chapters in my book titled "The Pinnacle" ? - stand up pouches uk
... Possesed disquieting silence animated forests in general. If animals are usually very active, some of them ... to stop what they were doing and watched to observe the majestic oak trees, a spectacle had never seen.
A glittering ball of light appeared in front of the tree, and was located about 5 meters above the forest floor. The section of the tree facing the world, began a transformation. The final form was a whirl of gold that began to draw a clear zone in the center of the giant oak.
As has been absorbed, the object appeared another, and the process repeats itself. A total of 4 balls disappeared into the tree ...
... and little by little, the forest and then back into its original shape.
In the darkness ... Closed Standing small silhouette of a tree outside the circle of stones, a small bag and placed under the clothing she wore.
The forest ...
once again ...
Return to normal.
Stand Up Pouches Uk How Is The Visualization In This Excerpt From One Of The Chapters In My Book Titled "The Pinnacle" ?
4 comments:
"... Some of them would stop what they were doing" ... was the show ..... a part or a break away in time? I break the will be deleted. "The section of the tree in front of the box" I assume you mean the tree trunk.
The display is generally good, fairly easy to follow.
I think it's very good - I like your choice of words, but I want to emphasize that the forest was usually very busy for everyone. Take the difference between normal and now more and unknown. It is not written that "the process was repeated again," only to repeat.
Maybe get some of the animals directly, anxiety or a feeling that to be included wherever you go.
Good luck.
I think it's very good - I like your choice of words, but I want to emphasize that the forest was usually very busy for everyone. Take the difference between normal and now more and unknown. It is not written that "the process was repeated again," only to repeat.
Maybe get some of the animals directly, anxiety or a feeling that to be included wherever you go.
Good luck.
Hmmm - this is the last sentence of the first paragraph is a mite confusing. It has been suggested that perhaps "they" instead of "in". A vocabulary is good enough, but I have some problems with the placement of a comma. In addition, there are some sentences to be too wordy, he was placed under the clothing. I suggest to change, "she puts under her dress."
However, I want to read the rest of the story if you do nothing, and I think most everything you have good work done and the related measures, and the tone of the passage.
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